Do You Value Your Time?

When you’re depressed, you don’t value your own time.  What you value is: other people’s opinions about you.

Let’s say you want to take off of work and go horseback riding one day. Do you  do it? No, because someone else might accuse you of being lazy. Or cruel to horses. Or bad with money.

Let’s say you want to invite some people over to your place.  Do you do it?  No, because you’re afraid that you don’t have enough to offer. They may not really want to come. Your house might be ugly. They might not enjoy it. Some might be brutally honest.

Let’s say that you want to change jobs.  Do you do it?  No, because someone else might criticize your choice. You might not get hired. You might get fired. They might go bankrupt. It might be worse than the last job.

In short, you’re living in fear.

You value the opinion of others.  (You’re too worthless to deserve to pay attention to your own.)  But you’re in an impossible position, because each person you’re trying to impress could have a different opinion of what you should be, do, or have.

When you’re as depressed as I was, you suffer through life.  Life seems interminably long. You wish it was over.

You don’t value your time; you hate your time.

You walk a tightrope of not offending anybody, afraid to fall off.

Indeed … when people are offended, they can get nasty.  They can fire you, hate you, attack you, sue you, embarrass you, beat you, turn friends against you … right?

If you’re trying not to offend anyone out of fear of repercussions, you’re living in a kind of prison and you feel helpless to get out.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you felt self-confident? If you knew you could do just about anything you wanted, and not have to worry so much?

That life is available to you, but when you’re deep in fear or depression, you can’t see it from where you are.

In fact, it might be just one area of life where you feel hopeless – you’ve got great relationships, but you can’t get your financial life together.  You’ve got great health, but you’re incredibly disorganized.  You’re doing great with money, but your relationships weigh you down.

The weird thing is that offensive people often do better than those of us who try so hard to please others!

That’s probably because they see nothing wrong in whatever they do.  They expect to succeed. They assume that their work is better than everyone else’s. They self-promote shamelessly. If they have bad relationships, it’s always the other person’s fault. They make friends with the very nicest people, because only the very nicest would like someone like that. They have to pick really nice friends, because they could never be friends with someone as offensive as they are.

So from your perspective, it might look like all the nasty people get the best things in life.

You might say, “But I don’t want to be like that! I’d rather have the bad relationships, bad health, bad bank account!  I’d rather die than model myself after that person.”

Right on. You don’t have to.

When you’re depressed, you can’t see the people who are successful and very nice. They’re out there, and they probably like you, but you won’t be able to connect with them for long.  It will look like lack of time keeps you from them, or lack of money, or lack of connections, or lack of sophistication, or lack of: (fill in your own.)

But, trust me. It’s your depression. That’s the primary reason you can’t get anything you want.  Work on that, and things will gradually turn around. They won’t turn around overnight, but your ability to handle whatever happens will steadily increase.

At least that’s how it’s happening for me.

When you ease your depression, you enjoy your life more.  When you enjoy your life more, you enjoy your time more.  When you enjoy your time more, you value your time more.

You won’t be as likely to squander it trying to make everyone else happy.  But they’ll be happier if you are.

🙂

Anjelica

P.S. I wrote the book on how to release depression and start to feel good again. You can read it here:  www.feelinggoodtoday.info

It’s free.

Or you can buy it on Amazon.com for $3.99 here: http://goo.gl/qTjMHl

Please let me know how  you like it – or if you don’t like it, you can tell me that, too.

Also, tell me about your time. How do you spend it, how do you like it, how would you like to spend it?

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Do You Have Time to be Inspired?

I woke up today and got a phone call that completely inspired me. It was from a friend, and she and I have been hatching an idea to bring our joys to TV. We had such a great call that I plunged in and put a few hours of work into the project regardless of anything else I had to do.

In the past, working my inspiration would have been the LAST thing on my priorities. Why?

Because in the past, I was living in fear and terrified that some significant other would find out, cast judgment, and make my life a living hell. This fear was based on past life experiences, and had nothing to do with finding my dream, developing the person I really was, or embracing my passions. It was simply based on avoiding pain.

The trouble with avoiding pain is that you end up like a ship captain whose only focus is to avoid rocks. So the ship captain might steer as close to the rocks as possible so he can see them and knows exactly where they are. He might run aground anyway, because he’s tried so hard to avoid the rocks that he put himself very close to them.

Or, the captain can steer straight down the middle of the river, trying to be as far from the rocks as possible, but then he never gets to land anywhere because he’s afraid of getting close to the shoreline. Eventually, he’s going to run out of fuel and supplies. The ship ends up drifting wherever it gets carried by the current, and runs aground.

This is what I call being stuck.

Following your inspirations is the key to getting unstuck. Placing value on that emotion of enthusiasm, eagerness, and high energy actually steers you to your dream life like a plane on autopilot will keep you on track. You still have to land it, though.

On this path, I want to know how to master my life, including my time, and as usual, I reached out to one of my favorite people, Kameron Geroge, about time management. If I’m really competent at managing my time, I have time to be inspired, too.

I hope you enjoy the video as much as I did. Please share any timesaving tips you have below.

Kam mentioned a terrific book that he reads every single day. Here is a link to it on Amazon.com if you’d like to check it out:

The Magic (The Secret)

Here’s to you inspiration and plenty of free time!

Please feel free to comment below, too.

🙂

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If You and I Have a Bad Connection, Then I’m Going to Have to Hang Up

rsz_bad_phone_call_with_editsWhat was that?  You say that I don’t fit … what a person should…  Boy, good thing we have our separate…. What?  Oh, that guy’s letting you down because …?

Oh, wow, I can tell you’re upse… What?  Wow, that’s too bad.  Ummm… Who’s fault, did you say?  Oh, yeah, I know  him… Oh, well, my experience with him is a lot dif…. You think that if he just did what you tell him, things would be bett…?  Oh, sorry, go ahead.

Wow, the school system is … Well, I’m sure there are good individ… Oh.  Oh… Oh, okay.  You could try…  Oh, too corrupted.  I see. What about the teacher?  Oh … her too…

Well, on a brighter note, I’ve been … oh, your wife?  Oh, that’s too bad… hmm. Hmmm.  Oh, I don’t think she’s a bad person, just … Oh. Oh, sorry.  Sorry.  No, I didn’t mean to interrupt…

Oh, it’s just that I wanted to share this great … what? You’re busy?  Oh, sorry.  Right.  Okay. Yes, I hear ya.  Hmmm.  I thought he was your best frien…  What???  I always thought he was very nice… Oh.  No, I don’t think I’m being naïve, I just … Well, you never know, I suppose.

Listen, I really want to share this … what?  The government?  Oh, I’m sure they do the best they … No, I don’t think they’re perf… No, nobody’s perfect, of course…..

Did you file that form in time?  No?  … Oh, not your fault…right, I see…

Maybe next time you could… Oh, no I’m not implying…

Thanks, I think that I do have talent in… oops, sorry!  Interrupted.  I do the best …Oh.  Oh.  Oh, well… No, I’m not lashing … oh….  That’s not what I … Sorry, just want to keep pea…

You say I’m a … what? Oh, that’s not a very nice thing to …

Okay, okay. I’ll let you talk.

Oh, that’s too bad.  Right.

Corruption again…

This might help!  I went to this fabul…oh.  Who?  Your boss?  Oh….

That’s a pickle.

Me?  I’m not … what?

… Wait a second, I really don’t think it’s my fault you’re … oh, okay. I see what you mean…

But that’s not…

Hey, what?  Say again?  I think we have a bad connection.  Sorry, I can’t hear what you … who you really are…

I’m getting static.

What?

Oh, no…

I’m hanging up.

Bye.

Whew.  THAT was a pain…

God, I’m really in a bad mood.

Makes you want to scream!

Let me feel the quiet.

I thought things were going pretty well today.

But that just ruined my mood.

I know that I need to feel better.

My feelings affect my outcome.

Man, it’s really hard to get over this … oops! There’s the phone again!

Oh, no need to answer.

Bad connection.

Let me look for my IDEAS JAR.  Oh, there it is!

Pick a 3×5 card….

Oh, “Listen to ‘Happy!’”  I love that song.

Happy Thumbs up

Let’s see, put it on … warm up the computer.

Now – click on YouTube.

And …

Oh, that’s better!

I love it!

The day’s getting better already!

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Why Do You Get Stuck?

 

When you’re depressed, you might think of yourself as lazy.

And others are all-too-happy to blame you that way, too.

But doing simple things can be 10 times as hard for you as they are for another person.  That’s because you’re hard on yourself.

For example, I’ve been learning some new stuff on the computer for the last couple of years. I was not one of these people who owned a computer and got busy on the internet as soon as it started becoming popular.  Like many depressed people, I didn’t have money to spend on computers and when I did get one decades after everyone else, I did so for utilitarian reasons and not to check out my friends on Facebook.

Well, I find that certain people, whether young or old, can rip through these online classes like there’s no tomorrow. But for me, the slightest challenge is extremely frustrating and I tend to need to walk away for awhile and come back to it later.

The key, though, is that I now KNOW that I can just walk away and come back when I’m feeling better.

I used to believe that I had to finish it – I had to suffer through hours of screaming and possibly property destruction.  (Yes, I’ve been known to damage property when extremely frustrated.)

I had to master it, wrestle it to the ground!  Bloody myself in the process.  I had this inner “coach” kicking me and forcing me to continue.

A coach like that, you don’t really need.

When I realized that curing my depression was an inside job, things changed.

Even if I didn’t achieve what I set out to do, I changed the meaning of the failure.  Instead of deciding that I was a failure or a bad person, I decided that it was okay to fail once in a while during the process of learning something new.  I decided that I would not be a bad person even if I NEVER got it.

I decided that even if I wasted time, or wasted money, or got fooled and cheated, or ended up in a place I didn’t want to be, it was going to be okay anyway.

I started realizing that a lot of people got into positions that they didn’t like and came out okay anyway.

I took the opposite view of the inner “coach” – or should I say inner slave-driver!

I didn’t tell the people around me while I was learning to do this, because most people will just hammer on you and get really alarmed that you’re letting yourself off the hook.  (That’s when they realize that you’re not listening to your inner “coach” so they try to take his or her place!)

I found out that rather than giving myself the required kick in the pants, I could actually do okay if I just treated myself with kindness.  Over time, I believed that treating myself with kindness made me a better producer than treating myself with cruelty.

The weird thing was that after I started learning to do that, I started meeting kind people.  And the process snowballed.  The kinder and more understanding I was to myself, the more I started meeting people who were kind and helpful to me, too.  I had met plenty of kind people throughout my life, but now I was having long-lasting relationships with them.  A curious change.

I think that the inner slave-driver not only expects perfection, but never lets up for a minute.  The inner slave-driver never lets you celebrate accomplishments for a moment!  He or she only sees what’s still left to be done.

I think that slave-driver is a very damaged person with problems of his/her own.  But you are not your inner slave-driver.

I don’t know about all depressives, but learning to be kinder to myself helped me come out of depression.

What makes you get stuck and what do you do about it?

 

 

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You know that crazy Music?

Hi, everyone. I’m Anjelica Way. I’m here to help people reaching for a way out of depression.  I suffered for years and I’m happy to be able to help others by telling my story and demonstrating the kind of life you can have when that awesome burden is lifted.

I’ve discovered some truths that helped enormously. I hope they help you, too, as I share them with you.

Since I recovered, I do something rather crazy (but fun) pretty much every day.  I put on “Happy,” or “Don’t Worry, Be Happy,” or some other crazy, fun music to dance to every day.

I just find something I like and dance around, even though it looks a little like the hippos in “Fantasia.”dancing hippo

Today the music that came to mind was the schmaltzy music they play on Britain’s Got Talent when it looks like someone’s going to be kicked off the show but gets to stay anyway.  You know — the hero music! The underdog wins again!

Now I know that whenever something good happens to me, no matter how minor, it’s up to me to remember to celebrate.

I don’t have to spend money, as I can just do it at home when the spirit moves me.  I don’t waste my chance, even if the celebration’s only a few  minutes long and just involves singing to a pet.

Guess what? You don’t just lose the depression and never have a bad day after that.  So don’t wait for a pleateau when you have no depression for several years.

Celebrate now, even if you’re only happy for 10  minutes.  Even if you play it down so you don’t get too embarrassed! 🙂

It’s proactive to look for things to be happy about. And let yourself feel it! No need to feel guilty.

Just do it.  Putting it off will not save anyone else, you know. 😉

I’m looking forward to getting to know you. Do you celebrate? Let yourself have fun? If you do, I’d love to hear how and why you do.

 

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Why I’m glad I abandoned my b…..

So glad to tell you that things are going well.

I started this blog to help encourage people who suffer from depression or suicidal plans, thoughts, desires, etc.  That’s because I’ve been there and done that, and it isn’t pretty.  For a number of years (decades), I was severely depressed and although I had joyful times here and there, life seemed to be getting worse and worse.

I’m happy that I’m doing so much better.  I’ve come through a lot of changes.  I’ve been a self-help junkie for a long time, have not been afraid to seek counseling when necessary, and even took several antidepressants until I found the right one.  As more and more light shined on me, life gradually improved, although of course there was quite a bit of momentum behind all the negative conditions I had inadvertently created in my life.

I’m not exactly “abandoning” my blog, but I’m turning it over to Anjelica Way.

Anjelica is a lot farther along in the process, has a lot more confidence, and she’s up for the challenge even on those days when I’m not.

So, I’m introducing Anjelica Way — she’s  a friend with a similar story, she’ll be keeping up the blog, and she’ll be using my login until we figure out something else. Never fear, I’ll be here every day too, keeping an eye on things.

xox

Andrea

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Second-Guessing Yourself

I remember being a little girl, and a grownup man asked me, “What do you like to do?”

And I said, “I like to have fun.”

He didn’t say any words back to me, but made a sound and his body language said, “That was a stupid answer.”  He might have been trying to avoid saying what he wanted to say because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings.

I thought, “What’s wrong with that?” I couldn’t understand why a grownup would reject the idea that I liked doing things that were fun. I was completely mystified. But I realized that I was in the wrong and that he was too mannerly to say anything.

I also remember being around age 40, and working in a large office, and a nice lady asking me if I would ever want a dog. I had never been in a living situation that allowed me to have a dog until then, except a brief time when I was living on a kibbutz at the age of 18 and had a kibbutz dog until I left there.

But I was no longer restricted by apartment rules.  I had just bought a home. I didn’t have a fence yet, but I was legally allowed to have a dog. My ex-husband had always spoken well of having dogs, so I said, “Sure, maybe.”

She asked me what kind of dog I wanted, and I thought it over for a few minutes, and I said, “A nice one.” I got the same reaction that the grownup man had given me lo, those many years ago. It was clearly not the right answer for some reason.

The lady said, “No, I mean what kind of dog? What breed?”

Well, I didn’t know anything about breeds. The kibbutz dog was a mutt.

I thought about dogs, and what kinds of dogs there were, and what kinds of dogs I’d seen, and I finally said, “A black one?”

She still seemed disappointed with the answer, but finally suggested that she had seen a beautiful chocolate lab in the shelter, and it had papers.

I had never heard of a chocolate lab, but agreed to go out and see the dog.

When I got to the shelter, I saw a gorgeous Dalmatian in the yard, and I really wanted that dog. I even loved her name, “Daisy Mae.”

But the lady was really urging me to take the chocolate lab, and of course, the shelter worker (or volunteer?) was delighted about finding a home for this chocolate lab, which was so important because she had papers. So I did.  I could see that I was supposed to care about the dog having papers, even though it seemed so irrelevant.  They even let me take the dog without spaying her, probably because she had papers.

What happens when you go against your own instinct and replace the action that you want to take with the action that pleases others?

Brownie had some health and behavioral issues that caused me some grief. She was also the wrong size for me — we just didn’t fit.  Because she was obviously a puppy mill mommy, she had no training or manners. And she barely paid attention to me.   I didn’t have a fence up yet, so it was a struggle to get her outside to pee, and I had no idea how to potty train her. She would pull strenuously on the leash, and people would tell me, “Ignore bad behavior and praise good behavior.”  But I couldn’t praise her for good behavior that she didn’t have. She would get accosted by males, sometimes quite frighteningly, whenever she went into heat, as well as bleed all over the place.  She had a false pregnancy and almost died.  When I finally got her spayed, the vet told me that it was a good thing – having puppies again would have killed her, and that she had had a C-section in the past. We had a life full of difficulties, and she eventually got hit by a truck.

Don’t get me wrong.  Brownie was a deserving dog. I always wanted the best for her, but I was really not ready for that one, maybe not ready for one at all.

And I never found out what happened to Daisy Mae.

Maybe most of us get trained very early in life to second-guess all our opinions, desires, abilities, and gifts. I had a gift of being able to look into the yard of the dog shelter and see exactly which dog would be the right one for me. We were a “vibrational match,” if you will. Also, I wasn’t looking for a dog and knew that I didn’t really have the equipment that you would logically need. But just as I’d always done since being a wee child, I deferred to the opinions of others and went through years of grief (which were also very hard on Brownie, I must add).  It wasn’t Brownie’s fault, of course.  Every decision I made was based on what someone else wanted me to do, and there are plenty of decisions to make when you have a dog.

Do I have any proof that things would have worked out better with Daisy Mae? No. Perhaps lack of proof that things might have been better is what keeps us attempting to please others by doing what they want.

When have you pushed aside your own desires to fulfill the wishes of others?  Did it hurt? Has it worked out well? Does it work out well sometimes, just enough times to reinforce you for doing it? Is that why you continue?

Or, are you really good about choosing your own path and following your own inner urgings?

Once you realize that you are a worthwhile human being, the next step is perhaps the hardest – giving up your addiction to please others in an effort to prove your worthiness.

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